For those of you not in the know, I am currently on maternity leave, with two delicious sproggy specimens (Fearne and Larry) to look after. 8 months in and I feel very much at a turning point in my life. The fact I am writing this blog (the purpose of which I am unsure) suggests change is looking likely. Opportunity certainly awaits but as to which path I take, I am unsure.
Change is big and it’s scary. I’m not sure where I’m going, for the first time in a long while and for that matter, I’m not even precisely sure where I’ve been. I have a habit of just sort of, floating along and not really engaging in where I am or what I am doing, sort of, acting instinctively and things have just worked out. Is that normal? I think I am the opposite of mindfulness! Anyway, now decisions are to be made and I think, really, I have not had to make a decision like this since choosing my degree course in, um, err, when I was 18-whatever year that was.
With this decision, my fate was sort of sealed; into teaching I went- safe, secure, teaching. A job I enjoyed, never dreaded, until, I did dread it. It became safe, secure increasingly stressful and sad. I am not going to harp on about the trials of teaching (in this post at least). It is a profession I still in many ways love, however it is a profession that perhaps does not love me anymore and a profession that I am still not 100% sure I do want to leave. (hmmm, perhaps change is NOT on the cards after all!)
That said, here I am, writing a blog….
Opportunity does await but for someone who cannot decide on a fancy dress costume for fear a better idea may come to me at a later time, it is tough. Ideas are whooshing round my head, I just do not know which move I should make next.
Fine Artist 
The definition of job satisfaction can be measured by asking yourself “would I still do this if I didn’t get paid?”. I’d like to take credit for this notion, but it was something I heard on radio 4 years ago, and I’m not good at remember the small details. It definitely struck a cord for me though. At the time I was lecturing in Further Education and despite earning a very good salary and having a very short commute, (they all factor into the life/work balance thing), I was not enjoying it. I knew I wanted to work with little people!!! Skip another decade and a bit, and here I am, doing what I love. Life is too short to be unfulfilled/sad/stressed/miserable. Sometimes a leap of faith is required. You clearly have a lot of talent and if that’s where your passion lies, go for it. Therein endeth the lesson 😆. Good luck Hannah. 🍀
LikeLiked by 1 person
You sound so much like me, Hannah! Perhaps it’s an artists temperament thing – creativity means we need to move and grow, feel things and be free. With any other career that has certain boundaries, rules etc. those instincts don’t get the chance to express themselves which is why we don’t always find contentment there. Linda is right in her comment – if you are happy doing something that doesn’t have a fixed salary (or even a certainty of success, I might add) – then I think you have to explore it. Life’s a journey and sometimes we have to step off the path and see where it takes us. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway! Thanks for sharing xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautiful blog post and wow SO relevant. Where have I been and where am I going? Questions I have been reflecting on myself. What do I want? What does my heart call out for? This is uncomfortable, this unknown and uncertainty. What I have learnt from my past is that this is also an exciting place to be. You are OPEN to the possibilities, the new, the change you desire (and also fear). When we let go of our old ideas and expectations. We surrender. We surrender to that higher power that runs through us that knows what we want. Our souls are able to step up and guide us. Follow your bliss, it will take you exactly where you need to go. Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts and wonderings. You are exactly where you need to be xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person